First of all, it's awkward enough that I don't have enough practice to get through GATE and now, what's more awkward is that it matters the most. Come on, I can't join my new company with still the dream of google hanging like an albatross. It just doesn't fit. All I do is blog. Due to the fiasco of placements, I now know nothing, absolutely nothing about whatever is going on in the class. My dream of publishing a paper in IEEE is near to end seeing that one of my partner is quite passive. Also, not to complain, I have become as fat as I was before working out, heck! as fat as I was in my 8th standard. I just can't handle that much. Or can I?
Now the skies have cleared and I have three goals. First of them is to gain rank in the upcoming semester exam. Secondly, I have to return to GATE. If time permits, I have to complete 8th semester project by January and third, I have to return to Shrek of weight 57 Kgs back. All this in two months. Two months to be awesome again. Now I know that I couldn't be lovable or charming or serious as others. I am more like the scarlet speedster, not the dark knight. That doesn't mean I don't like giving surprises. So, in order to be more like the crimson comet, I should really work on the speedforce. I don't mean it like in graphic novels, I like it more in running really fast. I got to know how to bulk up, just about time, I hulk up.
I saw Ms. Angel today and as cliche as it can happen, she is with the fallen one. I want to earn her respect. There was a day when I wanted to be with her, life long. Now all I need is a cup of coffee with her. There is this scenario of her being across table. I'd be very busy, probably thinking about next DC movie or next day's code. Then I'd see her and everything vanishes. I'd look her in the eyes, feel her words touching my ear, lose myself in her presence. Then again, I wouldn't be that obvious. I am still a gentleman that respects her judgement. I'd look stubborn and not caring even though I am melting inside with each passing moment. I mean, if I had such a feeling towards God, I'd achieve salvation. For that moment, I prefer her presence, be it across the table. She may not want to date me. I may not want to kiss her. It's just two people in a cafeteria. Those few seconds, they are precious man. If, in those few seconds, there be a fraction when she'd think, the person across the table cares about me, that moment I'll be proud enough to get true love.
I am not asking her to do anything for me. I don't want anything from her but respect. The kind of respect that comes with trust. The trust that comes with acknowledging the fact that the other person means no harm. I've been drowning for three years and all my other attempts were to reach the shore. Now I realize, after having a good job, a better study scenario, a couple of friends who I can trust with my life, I could have chosen any mongrel of a girl who wants me to spend money on her, I could have chosen any of my ex-girlfriends or childhood friends, any girl from my village or any girl. I know for a fact that ninety percent of those girls are just puppets. They don't understand the reason behind what I do. I chose Angel, I'll always choose Angel. That's when I knew that my life is empty without her.
I see the deepest evil in the people and to them I am evil. I see prejudice, gore and extreme hate. Let's take an example, Kitty : my crush from first semester in this college, she hates the guts of Kannadigas. Angel on the other hand, is more mature. She can tell apart Orion from clusters. Now I love Angel and I despise Kitty. Angel sees good in people. She is a symbol of hope and tranquility. She is an epitome of bliss and faith. I should say that I dodged a bullet when Kitty said no. If she'd said yes, I'd still be salivating at her artificial beauty that needs constant attention to sustain. Now I have a purpose in life and a chance to meet Angel. Anyway, I need to be on the right path... Still not on the path.
Now the skies have cleared and I have three goals. First of them is to gain rank in the upcoming semester exam. Secondly, I have to return to GATE. If time permits, I have to complete 8th semester project by January and third, I have to return to Shrek of weight 57 Kgs back. All this in two months. Two months to be awesome again. Now I know that I couldn't be lovable or charming or serious as others. I am more like the scarlet speedster, not the dark knight. That doesn't mean I don't like giving surprises. So, in order to be more like the crimson comet, I should really work on the speedforce. I don't mean it like in graphic novels, I like it more in running really fast. I got to know how to bulk up, just about time, I hulk up.
I saw Ms. Angel today and as cliche as it can happen, she is with the fallen one. I want to earn her respect. There was a day when I wanted to be with her, life long. Now all I need is a cup of coffee with her. There is this scenario of her being across table. I'd be very busy, probably thinking about next DC movie or next day's code. Then I'd see her and everything vanishes. I'd look her in the eyes, feel her words touching my ear, lose myself in her presence. Then again, I wouldn't be that obvious. I am still a gentleman that respects her judgement. I'd look stubborn and not caring even though I am melting inside with each passing moment. I mean, if I had such a feeling towards God, I'd achieve salvation. For that moment, I prefer her presence, be it across the table. She may not want to date me. I may not want to kiss her. It's just two people in a cafeteria. Those few seconds, they are precious man. If, in those few seconds, there be a fraction when she'd think, the person across the table cares about me, that moment I'll be proud enough to get true love.
I am not asking her to do anything for me. I don't want anything from her but respect. The kind of respect that comes with trust. The trust that comes with acknowledging the fact that the other person means no harm. I've been drowning for three years and all my other attempts were to reach the shore. Now I realize, after having a good job, a better study scenario, a couple of friends who I can trust with my life, I could have chosen any mongrel of a girl who wants me to spend money on her, I could have chosen any of my ex-girlfriends or childhood friends, any girl from my village or any girl. I know for a fact that ninety percent of those girls are just puppets. They don't understand the reason behind what I do. I chose Angel, I'll always choose Angel. That's when I knew that my life is empty without her.
I see the deepest evil in the people and to them I am evil. I see prejudice, gore and extreme hate. Let's take an example, Kitty : my crush from first semester in this college, she hates the guts of Kannadigas. Angel on the other hand, is more mature. She can tell apart Orion from clusters. Now I love Angel and I despise Kitty. Angel sees good in people. She is a symbol of hope and tranquility. She is an epitome of bliss and faith. I should say that I dodged a bullet when Kitty said no. If she'd said yes, I'd still be salivating at her artificial beauty that needs constant attention to sustain. Now I have a purpose in life and a chance to meet Angel. Anyway, I need to be on the right path... Still not on the path.
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